A turnkey “tuner car”
Brain freeze, chick flick, bling, bikini wax and tuner car are new words added to or being considered for the new edition of the "Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary". All have become official words because of their frequency of use in everyday conversation.

Most people know what “brain freeze” means, but do you know what “tuner cars” refer to? They’re usually a Honda Civic, Acura Integra or Mitsubishi Eclipse that’s been lowered, has aftermarket alloy wheels, body-colored mirrors and bumpers, and often a huge wing on the trunk lid. However, the distinguishing feature is a coffee can-sized exhaust pipe with a too-loud sound.

Back in my youthful days, we had our own “tuner” style vehicles: the “street rods.” We put in V-8 engines and header pipes, added full moons, baby moons or reverse chrome wheels, hung fuzzy dice from the inside rearview mirror and used a beer tapper for a shift knob. Cool!

Auto manufacturers are responding to the growing popularity of today’s tuners by building their own ready-to-drive versions, such as Subaru’s WRX, Mitsubishi’s Evolution, Nissan’s SE-R Spec IV, VW’s Golf R32 and our test vehicle for the week, Saturn’s ION Red Line, available in what they call the “Quad Coupe” with reverse-opening rear doors.

The composite polymer (plastic) body Red Line coupe is powered by a 205-horsepower, supercharged and intercooled 2.0-liter engine, rather than the standard 140-horsepower engine on other ION models. The lone transmission is a heavy-duty five-speed manual Getrag transmission.

Other distinguishing features that separate the Red Line from other ION models are the unique front and rear fascias, side sills, obligatory trunk-mounted spoiler wing and Recaro sport seats. However, the most significant feature for 2006 is Saturn’s lowering of the basic price by $1,460 over the 2005 model with no loss of equipment. Nice!

Available in four colors, we tested a Chili Pepper Red Ion with the $1,375-optional Red Line competition package that included limited slip differential, a weird-looking steering column-mounted tachometer (reminiscent of a drag-racing “Christmas tree” starting light), supercharger boost gauge, painted wheels and fog lights. Additional optional equipment included XM Satellite radio, Aero-wing spoiler and floor mats. Our 2006 model had a MSRP of $22,150.

The Quad Coupe’s exterior style remains unchanged since its debut in 2003. As its name implies, the Quad is a four-door that appears to be a two-door coupe. The innovative design allows for easier transport of large items, but the backseat is best left for children.

All Red Line coupes come with black interior and feature the excellent Recaro bucket seats, the form-fitting type that keep you from sliding around during aggressive cornering. Thankfully, the Red Line is for teenage Tuners because this adult auto journalist had a tough time finding a comfortable position for his ample posterior.

As is the case with other Saturn products, the interior is loaded with cheap-looking, poor-fitting plastic components. The center-mounted instrument cluster, which includes the speedometer, seems dangerous since it requires the driver to glance over and across, taking your eyes off the road. However, I did like the backlit lighting on the gauges.

The Red Line features a firm suspension and every bump and dip can both be heard and felt. Sharper handling is the trade-off. The burbling, throaty exhaust sounds right for the car and the supercharged engine offers excellent acceleration; however, mid-range and upper range performance feels anemic. We experienced moderate torque-steer not unlike other front-drive vehicles we’ve tested. Saturn claims a 0-60 mph time of 6.3 seconds. That’s quick, but actually not any quicker than a Honda Accord.

Safety features include dual-stage front airbags and four-wheel disc brakes with ABS. Head-curtain side airbags are a $395 option. For 2003-06 models tested by the IIHS, crash test results scored an “A,” average for frontal impact, and “P,” poor even with the optional curtain side airbags. NHTSA gave the ION its highest of five stars for frontal crash test results and four stars for side impact.

The Saturn Red Line was a fun car to drive, but I tired of it after a week. I’m sure it had a lot to do with the generation gap. But Red Line has formidable competition in the same price class that we enjoyed much more and easily recommend, like the Mini Cooper, Ford Mustang, Hyundai Tiburon, Scion tC and Subaru WRX.